8:22am
Bath day at My Zoo
7 comments
Bath day at my zoo! Well this is gonna be a long day. 2 dogs and 5 cats and 1 fish. Let's start! First I will do the dogs. Shampoo ready. Towels - Ready! Me - I'm ready for the battle - the dogs - Nowhere to be found! I did say it was Bath Day! My mistake. Should have spelled it - not said it! Trying to locate Scruff E., my 6# Yorkie! Oh, he is under the futon in the computer room. Not to worry. I can win this one! Scruff likes to swim, but the problem comes in when he has to smell pretty! He's a guy, ya know. Alright, Mighty Dog, let the suds begin! Getting all suds up is not his cup of tea. Shake real hard and let the suds go everywhere. Good Job, Mighty Dog! Let's get rinsed, and dried so I can get on with the chore. Where's the towel? Oh we don't need it. Scruff dries himself off - lay the towel on the floor, and I sing (yes, sing) "Dry, Dry, Dry, etc. and he just rolls all over the towel until he is dry. Good Dog. Takes off through the house to let everyone else know what is in store for them. Thanks Scruff! Next victim, Eleighe Kaziah, the Daschund! Again, nowhere to be found. First guess, under the bed. Yep! Halfway between my reach and the other side of the bed, looking at me saying with her eyes, 'come and get me if you can'. After 10 minutes, she's mine! Now this dog only has 3 inch long legs, how in the hell did they SUDDENLY become the length of a Thoroughbred horse? Legs everywhere! Elleeighe must relate to a bath like me going to the dentist: thought the bastard was going to break my jaw! Maybe someone tried to drown her in the tub before I got her! Hmmmmmm! I only put 5 inches of water in the tub, but by the time she made it to the water, more water was on the floor than in the tub, so let's add some more. God, she must have thought I was trying to force her to go near Niagra Falls. Let's get the suds going! Suds remind me of the head of a draft beer in an icy mug! Amazing! Let's get rinsed and be done with this Toroughbred Daschund! Where's the towel? Soaked! Who needs it!? Dog is out of the tub and under the bed! Who cares? Not me. Carpet will soak it up just great! Suds, head of a draft beer - what am I thinking? It's too early in the day for a beer - or is it?? 2 dogs done, 5 cats to go! Who will be my first victim? Gotta find 'em first. There's Olivia. Here Kitty, Kitty. Right! Grab the cat - nails go first! Smart girl, I am! Time for the water! The water must have looked like the Gulf of Mexico to Ollie and she was not going to become shark bait - or was she? How does a 7 pound cat suddenly become the size of a panther? I am going to win this one. Luck is on my side, or maybe it is the determination of the bitch factor coming into play. In the water, she goes. Was that a growl or my stomach? Who cares? Not me! She is wet and ready for the shampoo. Ooops! Almost put dog shampoo on the panther. Where is the cat shampoo? Of course - outside the tub, on the floor out of my reach. OK, I can do this! Both hands on the cat, stretch the leg, now slowly drag the shampoo to the side of the tub, shimmy the shampoo up the side of the tub, easy, just about have it - kerplunk - dropped it into the water splashing the panther- water every where- Who cares? Not me! It time for suds! Suds! Hmmmm. Sounding better! Squeeze out shampoo - cold - panther really does growl this time - but I am winning! Let's get rinsed off! Alright! Where's the towel? Do I really care! Run Kitty! Run! She does! Now another cat! Briez Alexis walks in to my view. Here Kitty, Kitty. Giving me that look, 'Don't even try it, 'cuz i'll shred you like I shredded the drapes a few months back!' Got her! Nails go first! Now the water. Suddenly she is acting like a spider! 8 legs from nowhere, along with an attitude of a woman suffering from SEVERE PMS!!!! Damn she's good, and really strong! Her determination not to get in the tub almost outweighes my determination that SHE IS GOING IN THAT TUB! After a 5 minute battle of the wit and the witless ( won't say who was which), suds are applied. Now I am really in need of an energy drink. She beat the tar out of me! Rinse time. Yep the towel is soaked. Who cares? I too tired to care. Oh no, Briez not the litter box! That's right jump right in there soaking wet, lay down too, She does. Do I dare get out the little vaccum? I think not! I'll run the sweeper later. This is turning into a Kodak Kind of Day! Forget Moment! Now, time for another panther! Emilie Madison ! Nails clipped. Ready for the tub. How silly to think this was going to be easy. Emmy doesn't like to go outside while there is dew on the grass, and I am going to soak her feet? OKAY! Both hands on Emmy, standing by the garden tub, cats eyes are the size of a half dollars - squirms - kerplunk - the sound of a panther hitting the water! Hurry. Get in the tub, fully clothed, before she realizes what just happened! Sitting down in the tub, with crazed cat. The water is becoming a real pretty pink!!! Did I miss a couple of nails? Are we chumming for sharks! Let's get the suds on, quickly. Oh, Emmy doesn't like her tummy touched! Who cares! Not me! I have some extra blood to add to the water. Make it a darker Pink! Cool. Mission accomplished! Get out of tub with cat in clutches, find a dry towel, get her dried, wipe off the blood, she's gone in 3 seconds flat. Go trapesing through the house for another victim. Water everywhere through the house. Who cares? I am on a winning streak! Just 2 cats to go. Priscilla Kathrine is mine! Nails first! We get into the tub! Yes, I said "we". Prissy just sits there pondering my strange behavior! Quick while she is stunned, Git R Dun! Presto! Suds, rinsed, dried, and she still doesn't know what hapened! 1 More Cat to go! The Hell-Child, Zoeighe Sierra! Hey Roger, will you bring Zoeie in to me? 'Where are you, T'? In the bathroom, please bring the Zoemiester to me. Right on. For the first time, Rog is seeing my Kodak Adventure. Don't even say a word. Just hand me the cat, and leave. Zoeie just sits there, in the water, looking at me, as though I am crazy! Imagine that! Let's take advantage of this cat's confusion. Suds.Draft Beer coming into my thoughts again. Let's rinse it, dry it, and be done! Where's the towel? Grab another from the linen closet. Dry off the cat. Now, let me try to struggle out of these wet clothes that I struggled to get into about 3 hours ago! Who Knew? Who Cares? Not me, Not the Cats, Certainly not the Dogs. And Roger does not dare ask how things are going. And what about the beer. Cold ones in the 'fridge. Ahh. That one went down easy. I think this moment is a 2-er. Grab another one. Yep better than the first. Well, Saturday, I will attempt to put flea medicine on the critters, and change Tish's water. But I will start out with the 2 beers first! Who cares? Not me!
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(don't believe in declawing)
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