Never pretend to be something you're not. Everyone knows you are a 70 pound lap dog, so don't pretend that you are not.

If you have a stick in your mouth, you automatically switch to super overdrive, and will be compelled to run around like you are insane...

If your people won't let you on the bed, cry, whine and look pathetic until they do, and if they don't, jump directly on vulnerable parts when they are sleeping.

Be excessive, if they ask you to get a stick, bring back a tree, if they ask for a kiss, drench their face.

If someone seems to not want to be friends, follow them around, stare at them, bark at them, cry, and if they are sitting, sit directly on them, and kiss them until they can't breath.

Always sit where everyone is, and if they are in the same place, like the couch or bed, make sure to plop yourself in between them, and do not move.

If they try to move you, be stubborn, dig in your heels, and if they do move you, refer to the rule above.

If you want to add a little excitement to your life...chase something, the cat, squirrels, raccoons, see how your people come running and yelling. I have found that porcupines and skunks work exceptionally well, but don't ever catch them, or you'll end up in the bath tub or the vet's.

Baths are always bad, unless someone is already in there, or it's with the hose or the water gun they think is punishment.

Act as silly as you can when you do something wrong, and you should get away with it. The trick is to make them laugh...

Work that tongue of yours...let them come close enough and then surprise them with a lick "snake's style" right on the mouth!

Make sure to always go for the most comfortable couch in the house... even if it is already occupied. Same thing goes for your favorite lap.

When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience, keeping a keen eye on the hand that holds the treat, unless there is something more interesting within 100 yards, then ignore everyone and focus entirely on the more interesting person/dog/thing to the point of reaching a trance state.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy and prompt you to produce copious amounts of drool to leave on all interior car windows.

Never miss the opportunity to cuddle with a loved one...
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