Cat prez

August 17, 2008 | By Roberta Beach J. | 2 comments
Category: Entertainment

It's only a matter of time. Sooner or later, a sleek, power-driven feline will captivate hearts throughout the nation and pounce on enough votes to land--on all fours--in the White House.

Here's what the <i>big cat in charge</i> will change in the presidential mansion – and beyond:

- The Rose Garden will be the first thing to go. A catnip garden is more important.

- Everything will be renamed after cats, starting with the Angora Wing, the Manx Dining Room, the Persian Library.

- A feline grooming specialist will insure brushing is part of the daily pampering routine. Maybe a paw massage is also in order?

- Instead of boring manuals, the government printing presses will be kept busy churning out kitty picture books and calendars.

- White House chefs will be instructed on dozens of ways to prepare fish - in more-than-generous portions. Food games (such as waffle-batting and fish-flipping) will be encouraged. An extra cook will be employed to create yummy kitty treats.

- Paintings of famous felines will adorn the walls of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

- Toilet paper is meant to be unrolled and houseplants are meant to be unpotted. Telephone cables are meant to be chewed. Butlers should be on duty 24 hours a day to dream up new kitty amusements and then clean up.

- Banisters in the presidential mansion will be declared official sliding zones and a photographer will be standing by to capture the feisty felines in motion.

- Sharpening claws is the norm - anywhere. No complaining about shredded curtains or ripped wallpaper. Who cares about a few clawed-up books or tablecloths? What's that saying about a home being a castle?

- All furniture will be covered with cat-approved comforters. Cat naps will officially and unofficially be permitted whenever and where ever the mood strikes. Even on the piano, if one is so inclined. Although every room will have cat baskets, there's no need to get uppity about fancy cats snoozing on White House stairs or sitting in sinks. Anything goes.

- Reporters attending White House press conferences must show up in <i>CATS ROCK</i> tee shirts. Otherwise, they won't get in.

- Cabinet members will be kept busy with lofty matters such as cat cushions, hairballs and litter boxes. A special committee will concentrate on improving the rubber mouse.

- A call will go out throughout the land. What feline face should appear on the new currency?

Politics is a hard gig. Decisions, decisions. Not to worry - nine lives can be mighty fun when you're camped out at this particular address.
Comments (2)
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Roberta Beach J.

Roberta Beach J.
7 years ago

An alpha would do it!

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